What is rude? What do you consider rude or offensive? I bring this up because an incident happened yesterday that has been bugging me since it happened. I can't let it go.
Yesterday Shanna and I went to work out at the YMCA together. The gym was busy but certainly not packed. At one point Shanna and I were working out on the leg press machine. We were taking turns and I was offering my extensive knowledge on workouts. Shanna finished her 2nd set of 10 reps and I was moving to get on when this old woman with headphones walks up, moves past us and starts changing the settings on the machine. She sits down, does her 8 or 9 reps, logs them onto her clipboard then moves on.
I was stunned. Shanna just laughed but I just stared at the old woman. I am not some kind of gym rat but I have been in various types of gyms in my life--ratty gyms, hardcore bodybuilder gyms, army gyms, upscale 'look at me' gyms, and now the YMCA. In all my life I have never seen anything like that before. If someone wanted the machine I was on they would ALWAYS ask something like, "Mind if I get a few reps in while you rest?" OR "You about done?" OR "Want to take turns?" OR they just waited in the wings till I was finished. This woman didn't offer an 'excuse me' or anything. Just walked up with the attitude that were infringing in on her personal gym space.
This incident, and so many others, remind me just how rude we are as a society. I see people throw cigarette butts out the window of their cars, smoke in front of entranceways, swear in front of my children, cut me off in traffic, etc. I could go on for days. And what about the easy ones like "please" and "thank you"?
I desperately want to say something to these people but...wouldn't that be rude?
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The occasional ramblings and musings of Aaron and Shanna. Emphasis on "occasional"
10 comments:
No way, I would have said something in a heart beat. I hate rude people. I'd like to add, people texting while driving and therefore cutting you off or almost causing an accident. I wouldn't consider saying something to be rude. But that's just me and I have a southern temper that can't be tamed (apparently).
A few thoughts:
1. Old people are old. Thus, they can do (and say) whatever they want. That is one of (the only?) perk of being old
2. I think I'd have said something. My bet is that she either a) didn't see you or b) didn't realize that you were waiting to get on. Remember, what's obvious to you might not be obvious to her (did I mention she's old?)
I don't know that saying anything would help. It's not like rude people are going to respond, "Gee, thanks for pointing that out to me! I never thought of it that way! I'll totally be nicer next time."
I know it's tempting to fire something back. But even if done politely, it's likely to make the person defensive.
I guess we'll have to do our best to ignore the rude people of the world, while trying to teach young kids more manners.
What would have happened if it were me:
I would have popped off to the lady, made some sarcastic remark. Then my wife would have gotten mad at me for trying to create a scene. Then she'd be upset with me, and I'd be upset with her for being upset with me. We wouldn't talk the rest of the night, and go to bed angry. Then the next day would suck, and we'd talking about it for an hour.
So let me say again: I would have not said a word to the lady.
Well I think there are 2 options - you can
a) say something rude and/or sarcastic
or
b) say something like "Excuse me but I was waiting for this"
I think that a) is probably never called for, and is unlikely to cause good things, as tom pointed out in the previous comment
But I think b) is reasonable, and it covers the situation where she didn't even realize she was being rude.
Remember - "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity"
Well, there was NO way she didn't see us--we were practically on top of the machine.
If I had been alone I probably would have said something but Shanna makes me a better a person.
That and the fact that I was stunned into silence.
Again, she's old. What about she sees you, but just figures that you are waiting for Shanna to get done.
I mean sure, the polite thing to do would be to either wait to see if you got on or ask if you were going to use it too, but remember she's old!
I've been thinking about the "she's old" argument. I don't think it holds water. At first I thought it did since old people are so close to death that they shouldn't have to wait for anything. But old people should know better. And they've had longer to perfect their 'polite' skills.
Ah but that's one of (the only?) benefit of being old. Being able to do or say whatever you want!!!
Aaron, was she older than me? Sometimes, since I'm old, I do things I don't mean to do----like knock small children off their bikes and stuff like that. I'm afraid I would have said something before I thought, then she would have said something nasty back and we would have had a nasty exchange and then I would see her in church the next week (of course, she would be in another ward which is why I didn't originally recognize her, but she would recognize me) oh, Aaron, I could go on and on and on. You were the better person. I'm proud of you. I'm sure you set a good example for someone around you. (I've truly made a fool out of myself by mouthing off)
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